Peanut butter

is awesome on a burger. It's like George Washington Carver came back from the grave and said "I'VE GOT ANOTHER NOVEL USE FOR PEANUTS, GUYS!" and he's right.

It's just beef, bun, and peanut butter slathered directly onto the patty as if it were cheese.
Seriously, why are you still reading this? GO OUT AND TRY THIS RIGHT NOW

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I'm not going to explain why I mashed all the keyboard buttons and made it a paragraph. Instead I'm going to write a little bit about

GETTING
REALLY
PSYCHED!!!


*ahem*

Scenario: It's the day of the big test. It's not only your hardest test, but also your most important.
You are uncertain of how you will perform, but one thing is guaranteed...

The big test will either be a path to victory, or the most unforgiving pitfall!


Assuming you've already made the obvious preparations (studying), it is a particularly good idea to steel your nerves and become fearless. Even uncalled-for confidence helps, since every small measure of courage is a significant advantage in the battle against panic.

Should you, the Bravado Beginner,  follow these steps, you'll be well on your way to feeling badass.

1. Get well rested, so you don't get well paranoided.
2. Give yourself several hours before the big scary thing to be awake and gather yourself
3. Turn on some music, and make it loud. The song should make you want to ride a pegasus and throw grenades at Dracula. A good example would be Final Countdown by Europe.
4. Try moving around a lot. Jumping around and being absolutely insane is a reliable way to get your pulse up, send more oxygen to your brain, and wake you up.
5. Yell crazy things about your soul being on fire and your blood being rocket fuel. Continue to make unfounded and unverifiable claims about your greatness. You only have to believe them long enough to power your way through the big bad scary. 
6. While you're following these ridiculous steps, make sure you don't get carried away and forget to deal with whatever that thing was. You'd find yourself fitting the very definition of "missing the point entirely".

IF ALL ELSE FAILS, DO THIS:

Can't sleep... must awesome

As the hours march on
the things that stand to reason
sit down
and rationale takes a vacation to
backpack across europe or something

Impulses and their kin steadily
become feral
and while they're at it
also a bit louder

Following their lead
I quickly shove a towel under the window
to try to quell the frigid draft
ever exuding from its breadth
but to no avail

Incensed I turn out all the lights
lower the curtains
and tip down the roommate's clock
which issues its proud emerald glow
casting shadows and forbidding darkness
but now is quieted

Sitting in my newborn murk
I ponder a dream
attempt in vain to forge meaning
on the anvil of

what is this im going on about anyway?
i should NOT have had that coffee at this hour

Thanksgiving and Disconnected Thoughts

was fun. I went home and hung out with family, and friends. I also got a haircut and my head feels lighter.

I have nothing really prepared for a post today so here are some random thoughts:

• The Warrior's Way is essentially Cowboys vs Ninjas. We should tie it together with Cowboys and Aliens and have a movie about cowboys, aliens, and ninjas. While we're at it we should throw in pirates as well.
• Pouring liquid nitrogen on something doesn't necessarily degrade its edibility. If that something is the right combination of ingredients you could very well end up with delicious ice cream.
• You know what would be awesome? Taking up electric violin. I wish I had an electric violin. Also a saxophone. And a keytar. Actually theres quite a long list of instruments I'd like to play.

That's all for now! Expect more posts this week concerning various things that are nonspecific now but will be specific later.

Procrastination

Procrastination is really great. You can give yourself lots of free time by not doing anything. Just remember that there is a limit to procrastination and you do have to eventually get to things before it's too late.

It's kinda like, blowing up a balloon. You inflate it and then inhale the helium to joke around with a squeaky voice and then once the gag is all used up and unfunny you refill the balloon and finish filling the other balloons and tie them to things with strings. I forgot where I was going with this.

Anyway, procrastination. When you tell yourself you'll "get to it eventually", you really do have to get to it sooner or later. "Eventually" can become "right freaking now" quicker than you think. Even if you think it happens really quickly, it happens quicker than you think.

So there you have it. Now I have to go do things that I've been procrastinating, because I decided the piece of mind and relaxation earlier would be worth the crazed frenzy that would come now.

I specialize in a very specific type of music composition...

The other day I was like "Man, I wanna hear the 8-bit chiptune version of Mind Heist, because I'm so awesomely geeky." So I check Youtube and it turns out that against all odds, I couldn't find such a thing anywhere! So I sat down, listened to the original song on a continuous loop for long enough that I haven't the slightest idea how many times I'd heard it, and threw together this:



Enjoy :P

I accidentally my playlist

This happened by accident but turned out to be a REALLY GOOD IDEA.

A while ago I did a little video project wherein I added lots of different sound effects to a video of my brother and I fighting with the Nerf swords I had just gotten for Christmas (This was just last year, actually). Most of the sound effects were various sword impact sounds, to make it sound as if we where fighting with metal swords.

All of the sound effects I'd downloaded in that endeavor ended up in my iTunes and therefore ended up in my iPod. I never noticed them though, because they didn't have an artist listed. However, putting my iPod on shuffle became a great deal more interesting.

Basically I now sometimes random short little sounds that pop in between songs, and its actually really cool. It's like having my own personal DJ or radio station even with the little sound bites added in. So I totally recommend putting a bunch of short sound effects on your iPod. It's really really awesome.









Also here's the aforementioned video, in case you feel like watching something ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_KNSY49htI

I don't even know why I did this

In lieu of a generous helping of dissertation on spontaneously composing a tune, I'll post the video instead!



I titled it Skullzard, because when I decided to post the song to Youtube I realized I needed something to occupy the visual space as the theme plays. So I opened up Paint and drew a monster, and since its a skeletal lizard I called it Skullzard, and adopted that as the song title. I think its a much better title than "fight.wav".

I'm about to go to sleep so here's some thoughts on food...

Spices are your friend.
Also wonder bread.
Toasters are a good thing to have as well.
If you really want to splurge,
you can drink tomato sauce like you would
put on pasta. Maybe even mix with a bit of
chopped garlic.
I'm of the opinion that it tastes better than V8
though quite a great number of things tase better than V8.

My main point is that marinara sauce is delicious and it doesn't just have to be a thing you put on top of stuff. It's perfectly good on it's own.

A quick little adventure-

Earlier this week I got the idea to use an arrow to carry a fishing line over the top of WTS, and looked around on Craigslist for the needed materials. Among all the different posts about how different people wanted hundreds of dollars for their various hunting bows, I came across a simple ad: "compound bow - $15". It had a picture of a compound bow on a table, and simply read "selling this compound bow, $15.00 o.b.o". I sent an email to this guy, and waited for a response. After two days I had given up on it, deciding that it had either already been sold or didn't exist. Then yesterday I get this email: "still interested in the bow?". I of course was elated and asked if I could pick it up the same day. Then the address turned out to be eight miles away and it was already getting dark.

I called around but the usual people I get rides from were all busy. Then I had the brilliant idea to assume that my friend Luke had a car, and asked him. It turned out that, yes, he did have a car, and yes he wasn't busy. He'd been sick with the flu, but it was okay since I'd had my shots. He said he would pick me up at 5:40, so at 5:30 I started walking towards the meeting point.

On the way there I saw this red swivel chair just sitting outside. This sort of thing immediately grabs my curiosity, so I went over to inspect it. There weren't any people around, the chair didn't smell, it was clean and intact, and there was absolutely no indication that it wasn't being thrown out. So I lifted it up onto my shoulder and ran like a madman across the cut to bring it back to my dorm. I'm sure it was quite a spectacle to see a man in a tweed blazer and a pork-pie hat dashing about with a bright red desk chair hoisted up onto his shoulder.

Anyway, I got back to my room, opened the door, tossed the chair into the middle of the room (much to my surprised roommate's disdain!) and dashed off because I still had to meet up with Luke to go get the bow. Eventually we got to the house, and it was really dark out. We found the correct house, which was tough because it was too dark to see any house numbers.

On our arrival I saw a gentleman outside on his front lawn doing some work with a table saw. I, still dressed like a jazz bassist, exchanged some currency for the bow, wished him a good night, and went back to my dorm room where the night was still not over... because I had Economics homework to finish!

There are no woes. Only WOOOHOOOOO!!!!!s

It's come to that time of the semester known by many as "crunch time". I suspect that the name stems from the fact that I will indeed be crunching the snow underboot as it gets cold and the ground threateans to turn white and fluffy.

It is also likely that I will be crunching other things as well. Just this past week I crunched a programming homework assignment, which had made a valiant attempt to crunch yours truly, but instead swiftly became the crunchee.

I will also be crunching some numbers as I attempt a MOST REDICULOUS WORK OF GUERILLA DECORATION. Specifically I'll be attempting to string Christmas lights all up and down a certain hundred-foot-tall metal pole that a great many look upon with such disdain. (My personal opinion is that CMU President Cohen originally put it up for Festivus, and not one has bested him in the ring since. The year-round Airing of Grievances supports this theory.)

Alas, time runs short.. and as I write this the time for Economics class draws near. I can do many things, but time-travel is not one of them (yet).

Until next time, adoring fans:
Clyde Shaffer signing out.

I carved me up a Melvin

Its that time of year again where Pittsburgh Melvin the Pumpkin makes his appearance. I got this great galloping gourd at GEagle today and got right to scooping out all the guts and delicious seeds! I carved it with my multi-tool-knife-thing which makes me even more of a super ninja compared to the guy that pulled a pistol.

Thats right. I brought a knife to pumpkin fight and won.

 The patient is ready,

 The incisions are marked.

 The operation was...

A GREAT SUCCESS

Daft Punk Gets Acrobatic

I'm learning Flixel, which is a thing for making Flash games. Look how incredibly awesome this game is.



Just you, half of Daft Punk, and lots of forward and backflips. What could be better.

The arrow keys will cause the character to walk.
Pressing the space bar will result in severe jumping.
Also you can press P to pause.
Enjoy.

A Louder Way to Carve a Pumpkin

When I carve a pumpkin the sound is "snicker-snack!" because of course my leatherman is AWESOME for everything, including carving pumpkins. On the other hand, when this guy carves a pumkin you hear "blam! blam! blam!" because he uses a glock; and thats pretty cool too. It's like this guy opened a fortune cookie and it said "Never bring a knife to a pumpkin fight."; which is cool.

Speaking of Youtube, I'm going to start my very own Youtube series. Undoubtedly it will be the best Youtube show ever. You may ask, "But Clyde! Can the internet even handle THAT MUCH AWESOME?". To that my answer is:


Well, it better! >:D




G'night, folks!

Things You Can Do on an Impulse: Become an Ordained Minister

So a friend from down the hall stops by and comments that the room seemed so much bigger now after we moved all the furniture around. I replied that there was eventually going to be a couch to go in front of the TV. He said something about the wooden bench thats currently there. I compared its comfortability to an old church pew. I then pointed out that with this church pew, the organ in the corner, and the TV shelf being set up like an altar, I pretty much had a church. Then the idea came.

"I should totally do weddings in here."
"Don't you need a license or something?"
"Maybe?"

A quick internet search revealed the truth. It turned out that I could become an ordained minister over the internet, for free, thanks to the Universal Life Church, a church founded on the idea that everyone is entitled to choose their own religion. Also the Beatles had all become ministers through them. Perfect! I then sat down to fill out a web form, and prepared to answer whatever number of questions they had to confirm my ordination.

And then I just had to put my name and email. It was easier than making a GMail account. I didn't even have to take time to think of a clever username that wasn't already taken. A few hours later I got an email saying that I'd been ordained (they have people read the ordination requests and do them in batches, because a computer can't ordain you apparently.)

So now I'm an ordained minister, and can officiate weddings, perform baptisms, hold funerals, and call myself Reverend... and its pretty awesome.

A MOST FITTING TRIBUTE

I appeared in a video game and it wasn't even my idea, or a game I was making this time!

Some friends are starting to work with Flixel, to make browser-based games with, and their test game included a character from some concept art I posted,

and on top of that they even put my face on the coins he's collecting! :D You can tell because only I am awesome enough for the hat clearly depicted on the falling currency.

http://www.drfishbowl.com/?page_id=15
Behold the sheer awesomeness!!

Also good night.

The Great Organ Caper

Finding the Organ

Some number of weeks ago, I had the painful realization that I was going into withdrawal...

and it wasn't just ANY kind of withdrawal! No! It had to be one of the worst kinds of withdrawal there is, right when I was already faced with enough academic responsibilities. That, adoring fans, is having-a-keyboarded-instrument-right-there-in-my-room withdrawal. I already had been playing with a tiny electronic keyboard I found in my mom's garage, but eventually a tolerance built up and I knew I'd have to find a bigger hit.

It was at that time the taller of my two roommates, Coilin-pronounced-Colin, made the suggestion that a good source of lulz would be to acquire some large object from somebody on Craigslist and place it in the room on the following Saturday morning, while my other roommate, John, was still asleep. The plan would then have been to wait until John wakes up, and pretend as if nothing in the room had changed, and that the then-undetermined large object was not new at all.

While poking around the different sections on Craigslist, I came across inspiration. I suddenly really wanted to get an organ in the room. I sent emails to a few of the people who had listed organs they wanted to sell, and finally got a response from a couple of electrical engineers only two miles away in possession of a 1959 Wurlitzer Electric Organ complete with vacuum tubes and more than a few certified and accredited levels of vintage awesome.

The First Retrieval Attempt

...didn't go as planned. This is likely due to having NOT DONE MUCH PLANNING AT ALL. That's how I roll though, so why don't you bring your own damn umbrellas to stay dry when you're crying about it. Actually it wasn't really a retrieval attempt. If it were a retrieval attempt, the attempt qualifier would quickly become unnecessary as the attempt becomes simply a retrieval.

The Recon Mission, which it totally was from the start.

I recruited Coilin, and got a hold of a hand cart so we could push it along and get some exercise. I also used Google Maps to get directions, and bought some Gatorade to create the illusion of hydrating ourselves on that hot day.

We pushed the cart all the way to this house, which turned out to be on a rather large hill. Indeed, there were a great deal more hills than the maps had indicated; which is to say the maps hadn't indicated hills at all. The lesson learned that day is there will be an excess of hills and bridges when travelling anywhere in Pittsburgh.

Anyway, when we got there the proprietors of the organ had given us quite the incredulous look when we showed up with a total of two people and a push cart. I ventured into their abode to examine the organ in person, and indeed it was a prize to behold. My already impressive determination to make this organ a fixture in my living space was doubled that day.

Coilin and I returned to the dorm empty-handed that day, but as scouts on a reconnaissance mission we had succeeded. I now had all the information needed to complete a retrieval operation.

This operation would have to take place two weeks later though, due to the availability of the persons selling the organ. Incidentally John happened to be returning home to California for a day. He would be sure to encounter a great surprise on his return.

OPERATION GRAB-MY-ORGAN

Two weeks later, I returned to that house with one-and-a-half times as many people, and most importantly a car. This car would prove to be just sufficient to transport the instrument back to Morewood Gardens, my dorm building.

With the might of three people and a transforming hand-truck, we carefully guided the very heavy appliance down about 15 steps, which kept getting narrower, until we at last reached the street. After measuring the organ, and the back hatch of new recruit Matt Glisson's car, we determined that the organ might not fit. Then the organ did fit. After redistributing the contents of the car, detaching the front legs of the organ and stashing them inside the piano bench, we packed ourselves into the car and began the trip back to campus.

With the additional weight of the organ, the car handled much like a truck; however our fearless pilot Matt was undeterred and we found ourselves back on campus. 

Getting It Upstairs

Another detail that had been dismissed earlier was the fact that, although Morewood Gardens DOES indeed have elevators, none are accessible from the ground level outside. I of course had dismissed this because I knew that with our combined manpower we could haul this right up the front steps and get it to an elevator.

I summoned my contacts and hailed down a friend who had coincidentally passed by as these events were being made to take place. With each man to a corner of the organ, laid on its back, we carried it up the stairs with the greatest of ease... thrilling passers-by with our astounding ability to take up the entire width of the stairs. 

The rest was simply a matter of pushing the organ on the cart over to an elevator, and sliding it in place in the room.

SUCCESS!

See that right there? Thats the organ. Its in my room. Suck on that, planning and organization!

Now I have an electric organ in my dorm room. What up with that.

FIRST POST

I know, I know, everybody's like: "OMG Yes! Clyde's starting a blog... finally!".

In case you dwell under a rock and haven't heard the buzz (read: critical acclaim), I'm Clyde. Specifically Clyde H. Shaffer III. Actually thats Reverend Clyde H Shaffer III or something to that extent... but thats a story to elaborate on in a future post.

I've got my own wonderfully ill-defined style, I'm always up to some crazy shenanigan, my tastes in everything are impeccable, and I'm just so unbelievably awesome. I totally wouldn't be saying these things if other people who aren't my mom hadn't said them first! Seriously! :D

So check back (or use Google Reader) for stories, commentary, and all that other good stuff people like to read in blogs. Copious amounts of pure Awesome are sure to radiate from your screen and onto you. I may even end up with a regular update schedule, unless those turn out to be only for squares.

Until then, have a GREAT day!